In My View - Time to conquer the Beast

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When this week’s edition hits the shelves it will be two days until the Beast Race in Banchory.

Five reporters including myself will take on the 10k obstacle course this Saturday roughly starting at 1.45pm.

Sean, Scott, Christopher, Martyn and I are raising funds for CLAN Cancer Support along the way.

CLAN does some fantastic things around the north east and have a base in all the towns that my fellow journalists are covering.

Each week in our sports section we have been giving you training updates from each of the reporters from Fraserburgh, Peterhead, Banchory and Stonehaven and having talked to the others I know they have been training hard.

I’m a slightly larger gentleman which most readers of this column will know from the ‘messages from a big man’ column a few weeks back. However I can honestly say I don’t feel any different after taking on the training for the Beast Race.

It might be a mind-set, I’m not sure, but I still feel like an unfit slob with two days to go until the event. I’ve been laughing with people telling them that I’ve given up fun, to get ready for the Beast. No chocolate, no crisps and no sweets. This was probably around two months ago - and no, I don’t feel any better, I just miss chocolate.

While getting ready for the Beast Race I’ve been forced to face my inner monologue. I enjoy playing sports, I love playing football with pals and enjoy my walk around a golf course, but I am always conscious of how I look when I’m doing it.

This is what I mean when I say I’m facing my inner monologue. I become very image conscious and worry that I look like a twit when playing football or running on a treadmill. I’ve often been caught looking at myself in the mirror at the gym and shaking my head.

This is no knock on the gym or the patrons, but I’ve felt severely out of place at the gym this past couple of months. I’ve felt like I was being watched, judged and critiqued on training for the Beast Race. I know they won’t have been because honestly, no one will really care about me running on a treadmill.

The seeds of self doubt have long been planted - that I won’t finish the race, that I shouldn’t be signing up for it in the first place and that I am way in over my head. I am reminded of a drama class back in second year at school. Sat in a circle, one person was in the middle and then everyone shouted at the person in the middle. I don’t remember the point in the exercise at all, I just remember feeling horrible. It is that same horrible feeling I’ve tried to knock on the head while training. The aim for me this Saturday?

Just Finish.

I’m not trying to prove anything to anyone. I’m just a guy, who has battled with his weight since he was child, looking to raise some funds for charity and hopefully not look too stupid while doing so. Everyone has fears and bouts of self doubt and fighting the inner thoughts can be the most challenging. Hopefully by tea time on Saturday I will have finished and officially conquered the Beast Race. Thanks to everyone that has donated to us so far. Let me know your views the normal way by getting in touch at lee.mccann@jpress.co.uk.